Extract
[...] On the other hand, what we love is what the person or thing gives us. From this perspective, to love is self-interested and relates to egoism, because we love the idea we have of the person or thing, what it brings us, the image we project onto it, and not what it is in essence. This double observation highlights the existing tension between personal desire and altruism, questioning the egoistic or disinterested nature of love. This leads us to pose the following question: what truly motivates our love? [...]
[...] For example, people who engage in volunteer work in charitable causes often do so in a completely disinterested manner, with the sole objective of helping their neighbor. II. We choose to love such a person or thing for what it gives us, and not for what it is really. When we love, we actually love what it brings us from a personal point of view. The act of loving is therefore motivated as a selfish desire. For example, it is possible to love a person not for who they really are but for what they represent to us. [...]
[...] We can illustrate this thought with parental love, often presented as unconditional. This form of love transcends personal desires and selfish needs, characterizing itself by an authentic commitment dedicated to the well-being of the child. Parents act not to satisfy their own needs, and sometimes even go against them to ensure the safety and happiness of their children. To love someone in a disinterested manner involves putting oneself in the other's ear, listening to their needs and expectations in order to satisfy their well-being. [...]
[...] Freud emphasizes that love is often motivated by the search for personal satisfaction. This can encompass an ideal, fantasies or unresolved desires that we project onto the other. We can therefore love someone not for their real qualities but for the ideal they represent in our eyes, often linked to our past emotional experiences. We can think, for example, of the "unresolved" Oedipus complex, where an adult transfers their expectations and fears onto their partner in order to fulfill those that were not met by a parent. [...]
[...] However, it is not always easy to reconcile love and freedom. Although this love is authentic, it can also be perceived as a space for personal realization, while also arousing the fear that it may threaten our independence, our autonomy, and therefore be detrimental to our interests. In the Second Sex, S. De Beauvoir addresses the roles and norms of gender in general, but also in the couple (heterosexual), social expectations can imprison individuals, especially women, and thus compromise their personal freedom. [...]
